In little reported FOIA news, the Obama administration has lost the Bush administration's lengthy behind-the-scenes legal battle to keep concealing the horrifying results of the routine 50-year psychological check-up that America underwent in the late fall of 2000.
Said acting US Surgeon General Dr. Boris Lushniak, "The American people need to take some deep breaths and try their best to hold it together now that their collective mental health is being further undermined by this shocking revelation that for the last 13 years the nation's bill of collective mental health has been a really far cry from clean."
At the risk of spreading hysteria, some news outlets including this one are reporting that with astonishing prescience the team of mental wellness professionals charged with conducting America's semi-centurial check-up over a dozen years ago determined that since her previous check-up in 1950 America had ventured out onto a psychological footing so fragile that she was perhaps one trauma away from turning into a full blown monster.
Said Dr. Harvey Whitman, head Analogical Psychologist on the millennial check-up team, "The period from about the mid to late 70's to the fall of 2000 were particularly damaging to the rightness of the nation's mind.
"A full year before 9/11, we were already a ticking nuclear psychological time bomb, from the mushroom cloud of which on 9/12 we would of course emerge Godzilla-like--a big angry irradiated id-crazed thing on steroids lashing bloodthirstily out in every which direction.
"America, her mind already terribly compromised by a generation of neoliberal thinking, would be reduced to basically taking her orders from nothing but a raging primordial brain stem.
"Look at it this way. If America were a person person, as opposed to a corporation person, she already belonged in a straitjacket and a padded cell well before the terrorists drove her completely mad. The alarms were going off so loudly when we tested for whether America had become a danger to herself and others that you could hardly hear yourself thinking, 'I wonder if a national lobotomy is an option.'"
Said the millennial team's head Prognosticational Psychologist Dr. Phoebe Wright, "Neoliberal America was manifesting so many psychotic tendencies in November 2000 that it's no wonder at all that we were able with such precision to predict the course of her degrading into near total derangement in these post 9/11 years.
"She was really a homicidal/suicidal paranoid megalomaniacal and kleptomaniacal empathy-free pathological liar waiting impatiently to happen.
"As my colleague Dr. Whitman would put it, in the schoolyard, she'd have been the cowardly overgrown 4th grade bully and braggart and big fat liar who would go on to make all the kindergarteners pay dearly for it when a second grader had the gall to give her a taste of her own medicine.
"And as Dr. Whitman would say with regard to America's mental health outlook from here on, in the wells of America's mental wellness the superego is so long gone that she doesn't have the slightest moral inkling that she really really needs to start importing some more by the boatload.
"Put another way, we can't begin to imagine the number of Hoover Dams it would take to generate the unimaginable number of mega and gigawatts it would take to administer the extreme electric shock therapy America is screaming for."
In related news, the Obama administration has announced that it will definitely be proceeding with its legal efforts to add another one hundred or more years to the sentence of convicted whistleblower Bradley Manning for his essentially having also blown the whistle on the travesty the Obama administration is making of the American justice system.
Said White House spokesman Jay Carney, "We're well aware that this might seem like overkill, but Mr. Manning has left us no other options with respect to distracting America from the travesty we're making of the American justice system."