Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Corporate America May Come Clean

The US Chamber of Commerce is reportedly growing very concerned over the sudden sharp drop in American worker productivity caused according to most experts by the dangerous record levels of cognitive dissonance the public is being exposed to.

“We’ve way prematurely reached the tipping point,” said Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Thomas J. Donohue. “By the tens and tens of millions we’ve now got so-called workers up to their spinning ears in the need to sit down somewhere and just get their bearings.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen for another couple of generations.”

Explained Raymond Whithers, the Chamber’s Chief Misinformation Officer, “Cognitive dissonance is a lot like radiation in terms of its cumulative toxic consequences. Human beings can only be exposed to so much of it over a lifetime before the strain of reconciling the unreconcilable throws their equilibrium so out of whack that they become more or less useless to the Maker class.”

Said the Chamber’s Donohue, “It’s the political and military and religious and media guys we all have to thank for this maxing of the American people out on ideas that don’t remotely square with reality.

“We could have avoided this moment for half a century or more if we’d kept the cognitive dissonance down to the levels associated with pushing supply-side, trickle-down, unregulated economics.

“There would have been room left over even for corporate felons to keep getting off scot free in a society where justice is blind, and probably the American public could have held up under the relatively low-grade strain of buying the idea that the super rich are the job creators.

“Definitely there would have been a good long life in the notion that austerity is the way to go in a society where the super rich keep doing better and better than ever before at the expense of all those below them.

“But no. Year after year after year the military keeps acting like nothing but a bunch of terrorists in a Global War on Terror they’re passing off as a noble cause largely by propping up the nonsense that the terrorists, the people whose people we’ve spent decades if not centuries pissing off and just flat killing with our policies and actions, hate us for our freedoms.

“’Dinosaurs’ is all that needs to be said about all the rabid enemy-hating Jesus lovers in this so-called Christian society, and my own head has started spinning with all the constant ongoing so-called liberal media’s spin making the left out to be as responsible as the right for all the worsening cognitive friction between our actions and what we stand for as a country.

“In the political realm, without even getting started on the reality-scrapping Republicans, there’s Obama who all by himself has lopped probably a decade off the time we had to play with before the dissonance reached critical mass by keeping up the ludicrous pretense with all those million-dollar smiles that he’s some kind of good, honest, peace and Constitution-loving populist not at all owned lock, stock, and barrel by us in the corporate sector.

“So now we’ve got a labor force petering out all over the place on the tread wheels of American productivity because some people won’t stop overloading the Takers with all this incongruity.

“We’re not sure how we’re supposed to keep widening the wealth divide if American workers can’t keep upping their game enough for us to keep skimming extra profits off their harder and harder work.

“My best guess is that in the very near future we’re going to have to just break down and point out the truth under the American people’s noses—that they live in a full-blown corporatocracy.

“Certainly Americans are not likely to be pleased by this news, but when their conception of their situation starts squaring better with the reality, at least their vitality won’t be so sapped by the malaise associated with so much chronic disequilibrium.”

Said Harriet Stenzel, the Chamber of Commerce’s Chief Compliance Officer, “Nobody’s crazy about going old school and using brute force instead of mind control to keep workers hoisting the money upwards. But if you’re compromising all the minds too much to control them or the bodies anymore, what are you going to do?” 

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