Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Big Brother Takes Beating

In a mass show of contempt reportedly straining the media’s image fuzz-out capabilities, members of anti-government groups across the country are flipping a collective bird at the hidden cameras of the nation’s Surveillance State over new revelations that the government has been trying its hand at achieving all-seeing and all-knowing status.

Said anti-tax activist Vern Murphy at a so-called “Survaill (sic) This” rally in Wichita, Kansas, “I feel kinda dumb up here delivering this speech for the government’s benefit when they most likely knew everything I was going to write in it before I did, but here goes.

“Isn’t it just like Big Government to grow itself even bigger on our tax dollars so it can take and stake out every nook and cranny in the nation when the private sector could do the job twice as good all by itself at half the cost.

“Let me ask you something. When a government of and for and by the people starts using all the people’s money to spy on the people, doesn’t that mean the people are paying the tab on keeping tabs on themselves? Now how much sense does that make?

“I don’t know about you all, but it just busts my ass to think of myself paying the wages plus benefits and a pension of some Big Government affirmative action sponge out there sitting around secretly listening to me gripe about paying the wages plus benefits and a pension of some Big Government affirmative action sponge out there sitting around with nothing better to do than secretly listen to me gripe about him or her but probably her.”

“Of course we’re seeing all the fingers,” a visibly irritated Jay Carney told a reporter at a morning White House press conference. “What part of Surveillance State are you not getting?

“And we’re picking up the raspberries too and the Bronx cheers and nose thumbings and crotch grabbings and bare asses and that aggressive Italian gesture that looks like something out of Nazi Germany and some other ethnic gestures we’re still trying to decipher. And yes we’re getting some bare breasts. And people’s kids are sticking their tongues out as us and making faces and giving us the evil eye. Ha ha ha.

“What the American people and their children really ought to be spending their time doing, though, is trying to wake up to the realities of this post 9/11 world.”

Said Sandy Taylor, spokesperson for the Little Brothers and Sisters, a pro Big Brother group devoted to putting Americans’ civil liberties in the care of their benevolent oldest brother figure, “Just when those of us who woke up immediately to the realities of a post 9/11 world can start getting a little sleep again, we find out our Big Brother can’t even find out by himself who leaked information about the so-called complete and total scope of our Big Brother’s oversight over us.

“Here we are now in the year 11½ PNE and Big Brother’s supposedly big bad dragnet can’t even catch the snake in the grass ironically squawking about Big Brother’s big bad dragnet--to an outfit calling itself the Guardian no less.”

For their part, a consortium of the nation’s government watchdog groups told Shining City Gazette through a visibly shaken spokesperson, “This new insight into the government’s quite scary watching capabilities is really kind of freaking us out. Frankly it’s a little hard to keep watching them watch us watch them watch us and so on sort of into infinity.”

In related news, pro Obama groups are hailing Obama himself as the source of the leaked information about all the new constitutional ground the Surveillance State is breaking.

Said a spokesperson, “It’s him, working through Edward Snowden. He’s not only letting us know he’s got our backs but also letting us know he’s given us the 24/7 opportunity to let him know how he’s doing with regard to giving us the 24/7 opportunity to hold his feet to the fire of all his promises to make his feet unprecedentedly available to us for holding to the fire of all his promises.

“To a degree I would not have thought possible so shortly after the Bush era, this president has the government really listening to We the People.”

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