Friday, June 28, 2013

Media Hails People's Leaker

 According to a government leak being widely reported in the Beltway media, a whistleblower from the American public has just leaked to the US government the common people's plan to disrupt the Surveillance State by wildly befriending vast networks of random people at home and abroad in a bid to overload the NSA algorithm designed to tease patterns of evil out of mind-boggling amounts of private personal data.

According to reports, the hope was also that one or more supercomputers in Utah might even explode.

The plot is also said to have included the encouraging of Americans with Arab and even Indian surnames to repeatedly speed-dial and otherwise establish a preponderance of damning connections with Senator Dianne Feinstein and other members of the US Senate Select Committee on Intelligence.

Unconfirmed reports suggest that this effort to flood the system with billions upon billions of unexpected data points included the tasking of all regular Americans with no more than five degrees of separation from an American with an Arab or even an Indian surname with the mission of using their social media networks to ensnare in a web of suspicion any and all beltway pundits so personally innocent as to invite Big Brother into every American home and to exhort him to destroy anyone who blows the whistle on him or reports favorably on the blowing of the whistle on him.

Said the unnamed leaker and immediate Beltway media darling from an undisclosed and unspeculated on location, "I couldn't in good conscience allow my fellow regular Americans to waste our tax dollars by leaving so many government-Americans pissing in a whirlwind of misinformation.

"And besides, the new Surveillance State is now one of the nation's most populous. How democratic is it for us in the other 50 to decide all by ourselves that all those in the 51st should go on a wilder, even more costly goose chase than they're already on? These people pay taxes too."

For its part the Establishment Media is taking time out from directly vilifying whistleblower Andrew Snowden to hail the so-called People's Leaker as an American hero.

Said David Gregory, Establishment Media personality and moderator of NBC's Meet the Press, "Thanks to the People's Leaker we now know the full scope of the damage whistleblower Edward Snowden and his putative criminal accomplice Glenn Greenwald are trying to do to the country by subverting the Surveillance State.

"Had the Surveillance State not produced an Edward Snowden to blow the whistle on the Surveillance State there's no way the American people produce a People's Leaker to let us know that now more than ever we need a Surveillance State to foil all the homegrown plotters determined to blow up our government's supercomputers."

Said Chuck Todd, Establishment Media personality and chief White House correspondent, "What the courage of this People's Leaker means for the country is that we can now get to work on engineering a new, more powerful algorithm that filters out any and all phony data points that get pumped into the system by regular Americans.

"And if I might be permitted a little pushing of the journalist's envelope here, the government might even think about inserting into the Pledge of Allegiance a clause that says something like 'I will never under any circumstance whatsoever engage in misleading activities or behavior or make any false or misleading statements while under government surveillance.'

"I have to think the large-scale setting of disloyalty-minded Americans up for perjury charges does nothing but make life easier for all those charged with watching America."

In related news, completely lost in the media circus that has erupted in the aftermath of Booz Allen agent Edward Snowden's blowing the whistle on unconstitutional government surveillance is the news that Booz Allen agent Ramona Diaz has blown the whistle on unconstitutional government surveillance.

Said Ms. Diaz, "I just couldn't sit by and watch America remain oblivious to all the unconstitutional government surveillance that's been concealed by the media circus that erupted when my colleague Edward blew the whistle on all the unconstitutional government surveillance."

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