Luntz Tosses Obama Lifeline

In breaking Surveillance State news, the Obama administration has enlisted the services of the GOP’s boyish Orwellian supergenius Frank Luntz in its so far flailing efforts to still the qualms of an American public creeped out by the unbelievable sweep of the government’s eavesdropping.

Mr. Luntz, or Frank as he prefers to be framed, is framing this helping hand he’s giving a Democratic administration as nothing more than the humanitarian tossing of a life ring around the overboard skipper of the American ship of state.

Through an interpreter, Frank told Shining City Gazette in so many Orwellian words that frankly it’s been very hard for him to not feel sorry for the incompetent weasel wordsmiths on the left.

Breaking at one point into plain English, he said, “’Modest Encroachments on Privacy’? Wow. Gosh. What could possibly be the problem with making a populace feeling awkward about being watched think of the word ‘modest’? ‘Encroachments’? Oh yeah. That’s so much better than ‘invasions’ or ‘infringements’ or ‘treading’ or ‘trespassing’.

“Hey I know. Why not have the president defuse the problem everybody has with not being able to trust the president or Congress or the courts ‘to abide by the Constitution with due process and rule of law’ by giving a speech wherein he reminds everybody about the problem of not trusting the president or Congress or the courts ‘to abide by the Constitution with due process and rule of law’?

“And George Orwell probably isn’t rolling over in the aisle in his grave at all over the acronymic downside of the Scrupulous National Ounce of Prevention System these hopeless amateurs I’m sure were ready to unveil but only because they didn’t think of the Protect Everybody’s Environment Program.

“It wouldn’t be quite so sad if spinning this Surveillance State weren’t such child’s play. How hard is it really to figure out that the best way to take the dark and creepy edge off your dirty little underground domestic spy program is maybe not to keep evoking a nest of beady-eyed disaster-prone moles with a word like ‘shaft’ written all over their grime-stained faces by referring to your spooks as ‘data miners’?

“Let there be light, for god sake. The dawn’s early light. Oh say can you see the terrorists by the sea to shining sea of torchlight radiating from the cell phone and computer and iPad screen of each and every self-respecting American lightening the load of our star-spangled shining city’s brave men and women in uniform by rising to the EAST, as in the Enlightened Americans Sharing Transparency project?

“And if simply adjusting the brightness setting on the controlling narrative proves too complicated for these brightness-challenged dimwits, I’m hoping I can at least talk them into going with the simple but effective option of calling the problematic policy in question the exact opposite of what it is—calling the spade of their heartless unconstitutional data stripmining a heart in other words, and then selling the big lie with a FACT, as in the Fourth Amendment Caretaking Team that day and night is ferociously protecting your privacy like nobody’s business.

“And then for god sake resisting the temptation to get carried away and call Russia to mind by swapping the Big Brother metaphor out for a Mother Bear.”

In other Surveillance State news, pundits Thomas Friedman, David Brooks, and Bill Keller are now bitterly complaining about the “insidious” Big Brother who has thanked them for all their support by tricking them into revealing their unbelievable stupidity by launching into such trainwrecks of thought as the argument that if we don’t keep giving away more and more of our civil liberties something might happen that makes us give away more of our civil liberties, or that violating workplace etiquette by blowing the whistle on those violating the US Constitution is far worse than violating the US Constitution, or that the government’s aggressively never letting the American people see the president and Congress and the courts check and balance each other with respect to all the public and private unconstitutional domestic spying we know about only because of whistleblowers is no reason to not trust a government that has so many checks and balances constitutionally built into it.