Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Tragedy Unites America's Leaders

In the aftermath of the unbearable senseless shooting to death of little children and their educators in Newtown, Connecticut, Democratic and Republican leaders are banding together in a show of American bipartisan solidarity as they get back to work on the other issues facing the grieving nation.

Inspired by White House press secretary Jay Carney’s recent expedient of using another massacre as a perfect opportunity to keep not talking about the gun control reforms the majority of Americans have long been pleading for so the massacres will stop, spokespeople on each side of the political divide are now echoing the other side to the letter as they make their argument that the middle of a Global War on Terror is not the time or place to talk about children-killing drone strikes and the suite of other current and historical factors that might truly explain why people want to commit acts of terrorism against America.

In similar unison, both parties are now arguing with renewed vigor that the middle of a widespread life-ruining economic crisis is no time to start talking about the obvious and worsening plutocratic economic and political abuses that created the economic crisis, and that in the thick of the perennial electioneering cycle it is hardly wise to talk about the suppression of Democratic votes, and that the time to talk about catastrophic life-ruining global climate change is not in the thick of the so critical perennial electioneering cycle much less in the middle of catastrophic global climate change.

Said White House spokesman Jay Carney at a morning press conference, “Say what you want about the National Rifleman’s Association, it can’t be denied that they are among the nation’s most successful special interest groups in the area of imposing the will of the minority on the majority.

“Massacre after massacre after massacre, under the toughest public relations circumstances imaginable, they manage to muzzle any discussions that might impose majority rule on the country regarding gun control.

“With the very real possibility that filibuster reform in the Senate will undo the gains the ideological minority has made through gerrymandering in the House, we may well need to take a few pages from the playbooks of the likes of the NRA in these times when the role of government is to correct for errors in the will of the people.

“When the majority of Americans are standing on the wrong side of so many issues related to everything from perpetual preemptive war and warrantless surveillance and health care and economics to marriage equality and the prison system and women’s rights, we could do a whole lot worse than follow the lead of the National Rifleman’s Association.”

In related news, Tommy Ruggle, spokesperson for a new coalition of innocent children’s groups calling itself Children Against Mad People, told reporters today that he and every kid he knows don’t think the grown-ups are doing a very good job of taking care of them or their country.

Said Mr. Ruggle, “I’m only a third grader and I can tell it’s stupid to let everybody have machine guns that shoot real bullets. So can my sister in kindergarten.

“And also, it’s not fair that rich people get to take almost all the money, and they get to do whatever they want and never get in any trouble.

“And we heard that President Obama is killing children with bombs. Is that true? And also we heard it’s too late to save the world from getting too hot to live on.

“Anyways, we don’t want our grown-ups to be in charge anymore. Where can we get different grown-ups?”

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