Researchers at the National Academy of Oculopolitical Science announced today that Obama partisans are now scoring off the charts on the Graduated Beaumont-Nelson Scale, the field’s primary yardstick for measuring the intensity of a blind devotion to a party leader.
The Academy’s chief politico-oculist, Dr. Stephanie Reed, told Shining City Gazette that she hasn’t seen a partisan blindness this acute since fairly early in the first term of President George W. Bush.
“Really,” said Reed, “we’re talking about a pitch darkness of a shade that doesn’t actually occur in nature. To get an approximate sense of the kind of blindness we’re looking at, you’d have to imagine an already totally blind person in the deepest darkest cave on Earth at night in the shade of a thick forest during a total solar and lunar eclipse with his eyes squeezed shut under a double-wrapped blindfold made of a high light reflective fabric like French crepe or maybe an uncoated or even a coated nylon polyester.
“I suppose that in light of these Obama idolizers having spent four-plus years now gazing starry-eyed at the president’s dazzling million dollar smile while he so glaringly flaunts all their former principles, you could also capture the partisan blindness we’re talking about with the analogy of a child unwittingly staring directly into the sun without blinking day after day for something like a decade.
“Anyway, the point is that these blind devotees of the president just can’t see what’s wrong with him killing children and other innocents with his drones or letting the world’s worst criminals off scot-free while he mercilessly prosecutes any and all heroes with the courage to blow the whistle on all the criminals he’s letting off scot-free when he’s not grandly bargaining away the nation’s hard-bought commitments to its non-rich citizens while he oversees a period of unprecedented wealth and power accumulation by the rich ones.
“And as our colleagues over in the audiopolitical sciences point out, these Obama adorers are also experiencing so profound a partisan deafness that they can’t even hear the irony in their calling themselves the Obama Nation.
Countered former Obama spokesperson Robert Gibbs, now a non-professional leftist media personality at MSNBC, “If anyone’s gone stone blind it’s the Magoos on the professional left thanks to all the nonstop masturbatory hatchet jobs they’re doing on the president.
“Let’s just take Obama’s brilliant stroke of going along with the right’s hundreds of millions of dollar corporate-sponsored nonsense about the need for austerity. If the Obama haters weren’t all squinting so hard getting their jollies trying to spot more nits to pick they’d maybe see the wisdom of reducing more and more Americans to poverty and into the open arms of the Democratic party.
“This president’s got the Republicans right where he wants them. The more he adopts their policies and ways of thinking, the more Americans slip into socioeconomic classes that know better than to vote Republican.”
In more bad news for Obama partisans, the Center for Olfactopolitical Research is set to announce their finding that the so-called Obama Nation has now lost the ability to pick up scents in the putrid/rotten range on the spectrum of political smells.
Said a spokesperson for the Center, “What we have now is a situation where the Obama Nation can’t see, hear, or smell the capital rat their president has been putting in Democrat. I’m not sure Anne Sullivan herself could save these people from the senseless bubble they’re trapped in.”