Friday, March 8, 2013

The People to Wage Psych War

Senior strategists from a consortium of populist organizations brought together by The People’s Think Tank have reportedly arrived at a plan for remedying what’s being called the government’s ever-worsening bad habit of just automatically running counter to majority opinion on every issue.

Explained Joe Tanaka, spokesperson for The People’s Think Tank, “We’ve been hollering at our so-called representatives till we’re blue in the face about the oddity of their constantly steering a democracy in the opposite direction of where the majority wants to go.

“We’re done doing that. The People have put their untold heads together and come up with a Plan B that is fabulously elegant in all its simplicity. We’re going to let the government keep wallowing in the rut of all its knee-jerk contrariness while we start using reverse psychology to restore democracy to the land.

Said Dr. Wayne Drummond, psychological warfare scholar at NYU, “There’s nothing necessarily malicious about all these elected officials thwarting the common will at every turn. At this point I really don’t think they’re even thinking when they do something like choose austerity over the people’s choice of making the ones responsible for the debt explosion by being responsible for the recession pay for fixing the debt with some of all the astronomical amounts of money they keep making.

“In my professional opinion our government leaders can no longer help saying ‘black’ and ‘down’ and ‘right’ when the people say ‘white’ and ‘up’ and ‘left’, respectively. It’s all become a full-blown mindless reflex for them.

“And in being so it leaves the nation’s leaders wide open to a reverse psychological assault.”

Said chief People’s strategist Cindy Sherfield, “When rank and file Americans are asked by pollsters what they think is wrong with America, they’re going to start answering that the One Percent is just not making enough of the country’s money and that not enough disgruntled Americans are in possession of assault rifles with endless ammunition clips and not enough Americans are needlessly dying in the interest of America’s distinguishing herself as the one and only developed country that can’t medically insure its people and the minority party in the Senate doesn’t have enough power to put the skids on governance and the president has not surrounded himself with enough Wall Street people and we’re not hanging in there long enough on these senseless wars we’re not spending enough on waging and anticipating the waging of and corporate persons don’t have the right to vote to go along with their right to buy elections and our media is not monopolized enough and the social safety net is too generous and banks are still too small to shut everybody up once and for all about all this talk of their possibly failing or their filthy rich people ever going to jail.

“On another front, we’re going to use the president’s We the People Initiative to petition the White House to have ALEC write up a new Oath of Office in which all elected government officials pledge their allegiance to Corporate America.”

Said Mr. Tanaka from The People’s Think Tank, “If in all its involuntary contrariness with regard to the People’s will the government starts agreeing with rank and file Americans’ pretended sentiments because they sense we want them to disagree with them, we’ll simply shift into double reverse psychology mode until triple reverse psychology becomes necessary.

“With enough discipline and sheer grit I firmly believe the People can stay one step ahead of their leaders in this long, hard march toward democracy.”

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