Friday, March 29, 2013

Shock and Awe a Bargain II

[Part two in a two-part series.]

The Taxpayers Protection Alliance is reportedly challenging some of the conclusions in the recent Division of Self-Defense report in which the DOD makes the case for the cost-effectiveness of America's self-perpetuating Shock and Awe program in Iraq.

Said the TPA's Ted Rutledge, "The report conveniently forgets to factor in the high cost of all the friendly fire Americans on the home front are suffering from in growing numbers as they're being Shocked and Awed by the unbelievable inhumanity of America's Shock and Awe program and all its ghastly traumatic fallout.

"How much high-dollar therapy did this Division of Self-Defense report alone put on the taxpayer's bill with all its graphic discussion of misshapen Iraqi babies and their phosphorous and uranium and misshapen baby-deranged moms and dads?

"And remember, most Americans don't have a cushy VA arrangement for when all the chronic difficulties with sleeping at night kick in and all the other wheels start coming off."

At a Stanford University gala celebrating the running out of the statute of limitations on many of her war crimes, former Secretary of State Dr. Condoleezza Rice told reporters that the TPA was overblowing the whole issue of friendly fire from America's Shock and Awe campaign.

Said Dr. Rice, "Look, I sleep like a baby at night, and I was one of the chief orchestrators of Shock and Awe. And as for my good friend The Decider, I am told he's putting the last touches on a suite of paintings titled 'Unleashing the oil-based lapdogs of my personal peace with my war.'

"So it sounds like he's sleeping just fine as well."

Tweeted former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, "You go into a war's aftermath with the conscience you have, not the conscience you might want or wish to have."

Tweeted former Secretary of State General Colin Powell, "New Pottery Barn Rule: You don't pay for it till you're done breaking it, which may well be never in Iraq."

Tweeted former Halliburton CEO and former Vice President of the United States Dick Cheney, "Americans in the last throes, if you will, of all their bellyaching about Iraq."

For its part the current White House is standing firmly behind the Division of Self-Defense's finding that Shock and Awe has been a much needed bargain in these trying economic times.

Said Obama spokesman Jay Carney, "Something for nothing doesn't exactly grow on trees in theaters of war. In these times of austerity on the home front, thrift-minded Americans ought to be heartened by the volumes all these freebies speak about the new frugality of their Department of Defense."

Added Mr. Carney, "No question it complicates our Look Forward and Not Backward strategy when the horrific legacy of the Bush administration's questionable behaviors extends under its own cost-free power into the foreseeable future and probably well beyond.

"But  to piggyback on all the economizing associated with Shock and Awe, the president's got a plan for saving the American taxpayer the exorbitant, deficit-exploding government-wide war crime litigation that would otherwise come now that the American public can no longer avoid Iraq War horrors even by looking only forward.

"What we're going to do is shift seamlessly into a new phase of the ongoing overt plan of action we've covertly been calling Operation Bushie Freedom.

"Taking a page from his own killer drone program playbook, the president has set aside some of the now well-documented savings from Shock and Awe for training the former Bush administration in the complicated mental acrobatics of neither confirming or denying that Shock and Awe ever happened, much less that it is ongoing."

"That's just beautiful," said the TPA's Jeff Rutledge. "Forget about all the godforsaken inside-out  babies in Iraq. Now that all  the freak-job chickenhawks are getting off scot-freer than ever thanks to Obama, there's no way they're going to abort any of the truly grotesque brainchildren spawned in the little orgy they called Shock and Awe.

"What do you think the sticker shock and awe's going to be like on Operation Iranian and Syrian and Nigerian and Bumfuck, Egyptian Freedom?"

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