Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Candidate Obama Resurfaces

The Associated Press is unapologetically reporting that in independent pre-testings of the water the committees to explore forming exploratory committees for potential 2016 presidential candidates from both major parties have all made the same discovery—that Obama must in recent weeks have decided to seek an unconstitutional third term as President of the United States.

“Look at him,” said Maggie Williams, former campaign manager for Hillary Rodham Clinton. “I mean, slam bam abracadabra alakazam, it’s candidate Obama all over again. It’s like, who are you this time and what have you done with the superior mediaphobic kill list owning selectively only forward looking touchy and tricky Dickian grand imperial corporate bargaineer in chief you keep turning into after elections are over?

“Does anyone really think we’re still looking at the President Obama we’ve all come to know and love—twice. Come on, folks. That was our old pal Candidate Obama up there at the podium giving a big shout out to Medea Benjamin for basically shouting out that he’s a low-life scumbag war criminal.

“Can everybody really not be feeling déjà vu all over again when he starts up with the whole Guantanamo’s gotta go slogan?

“Should somebody not be nominating the man for an academy award when he starts using these AP and IRS scandals as golden opportunities to bang an indignant fist on a podium and share with the American people all his exalted intolerance when it comes to looking backward and spotting a government official flaunting the rule of law? Or when he gets all moist and doe-eyed over all the kids and other innocents he’s been killing pretty much indiscriminately with his drones and other organs of permanent preemptive worldwide war?

“And is it just me or did somebody on his re-reelection team cue up the tear-jerking sound track from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington when he started in last week on his tried and true, high-toned, one-man rhetorical showstopper about how very very necessary and American it is meticulously and if anything with a hypersuperoverabundance of both balances and checks to construct not only a legal but also of course a moral framework for holding up to the world one’s illegal and immoral worldwide personal assassination and collateral damage program, not to mention how even more important not to mention crucial and even vital it is to perhaps one day even share some of this framework with those outside his innermost national security circle of one.”

Said Patti Solis Doyle, also a former campaign manager for Hillary Rodham Clinton, “Gee, why can’t I shake this sneaking feeling that any day now we’re going to be hearing about Obama sitting down and drinking beers with his buddies Dick Trumka and Karen Lewis at the Grand Hyatt Chicago while his union-busting, tax-evading billionaire sugar mama and now Commerce Secretary Penny Pritzker serenades the one big happy threesome with the Kumbaya she’s personally leading a happy happy choir of hotel service workers in the beautiful singing of in perfect harmony?”

“You have to remember he’s a constitutional lawyer,” said the RNC’s Reince Priebus. “What you and I see as the 22nd Amendment to the US Constitution he sees as a big wheel of legal Swiss cheese he can worm his through along any number of routes.

“For instance, he could finally cop to never having been the person America supposedly elected and then run for president for the first time as the Kenyan he really is, crossing the bridge of Article II, Section I of the Constitution when he gets there.

“He could also claim he’s only ‘seeking’ a third term and that if the American people elect him it will be them who are guilty of violating the 22nd Amendment, in which case he could executively pardon everybody, or if not pardon them, at least convince them not to look backward at their widespread crime spree.

“For that matter, he could simply give a speech about how for the good of the country it would be best if everybody just looked forward and not backward at the two terms as president he’s already used up.

“Of course it could also be that he’s shifted into candidate mode because he plans to run for the top spot over at the Military-Industrial Complex he’s turning into a fourth branch of government, or I guess a fifth branch if you don’t include Wall Street in the MIC.

“No matter which way he goes, though, one thing’s for sure—all the hopeless boneheaded lefty fallers for the old Hope-A-Dope will be walking America right into another Obama sucker punch.”

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