Geneva, The Hague Reject Takers

In yet another heartbreaking battle lost, a small contingent of American middle and lower class class warriors have returned empty-handed from a last-ditch international mission to secure from Geneva and/or The Hague a pledge to hold a convention spelling out some consequences for the heinous widespread class war crimes the 1% has been flagrantly committing for more than three decades.

“I’m not going to lie,” said one disappointed envoy with lower middle class standing, “after all the back-breaking car washes and bake sales and pancake breakfasts and silent auctions and lotteries and raffles they held back home to make a jet-setter out of me, I’m not exactly looking forward to standing up there at the podium in the Odd Fellows and telling everybody, ‘Hey, I didn’t quite find that wild goose you all broke the bank to pay for me to go chase, but I did bring back a big fat wild goose egg.’

“And just for the record, the chocolate in Switzerland isn’t even as good as a Hershey bar.”

A reporter embedded with the Takers told Shining City Gazette, “The sticking point for both Geneva and The Hague was the very distinct possibility that in this global economy if they started holding upper class class war criminals in America to account they’d also have to start going after the perpetrators of economic genocide in Europe and elsewhere.

“There was even some fear that enforcing the rule of law in the economic world would mean they’d have to start going after the army so to speak of regular war criminals in America, and nobody in Europe, not even Germany, has close to the resources for a massive undertaking of those proportions, not in the middle of what’s being called either World Class War XI, XII, or XIII depending on whether you see feudalism as one long lopsided 600-year class war or as two different class wars separated by The Plague, and whether you count slavery as a class war or place it in some other sub-category of man’s and woman’s unbelievable inhumanity to man and woman.”

Said one crushed Taker from the middle class in response to the news that no help can be expected from the international community, “The morale is just going to keep getting lower and lower as our commander-in-chief keeps looking forward and not backward or even side-to-side at all the class war atrocities that just keep piling up.

“Rank and file class warriors on the Taker side are beginning to wonder if it wouldn’t maybe be better if President Obama snuck a quick peek at what’s been going on all around him while he’s been busy strategically keeping so many of our enemies so close to him. Then maybe when he went back to looking only in the forward direction he’d see that the history of dumb cold-blooded aristocratic sociocide was about to finish repeating itself again.”

Said Dr. Brett Adams, adjunct professor of Surrender Studies at Glendale Community College, “The asses of the 99% are in a real sling here. The Takers have tried everything they know how to do to unconditionally surrender to the 1%, but the Makers are not taking any prisoners.

“They’re just going to keep up all the blatantly fraudulent foreclosures that appeared out of nowhere after the popping of the housing bubble they made so much magical money from. Uninsured Takers by the tens and tens of thousands will just keep dying every year from a formerly treatable unnatural cause going by the name of unchecked Maker greed.

“In Wisconsin and Chicago and elsewhere across the land the Bradleys and the Emanuels and the Rhees and Gateses of the world will just keep working night and day to make the schools where our children used to be publicly educated a big chain of safe places for privately sucking vast amounts of money upward while also making our children into either the suckers of money from others or the suckers who have the money sucked from them till the day they die and the privatizers of Social Security can no longer keep sucking money from the measly sums the suckers were supposed to have lived on.

“All this and no towel or sponge to throw in, no white flag for waving or colors to strike or even arms left to deliver up. According to my calculations, playing dead’s about all the Takers have left, unless of course what they’ve been doing all along is already a matter of playing dead, in which case of course they have nothing left except maybe call their going to bed hungry every night a hunger strike.”

“Goddamit,” said one lower class former member of the middle class, “innocent hunger striking terrorists from the other perpetual war are treated better than the defeated class warriors in America. I’d pay to have some jack-booted war criminal force-feed my hungry kids—that is, if I had any money left over after paying the high and rising cost of being a Taker in America.

“It’s humiliating. It’s like a whole medieval village with a population of thousands saying uncle without a fight to a horde of three spoiled Mongols. We outnumber these glorified pickpockets by so many hundreds and hundreds of thousands to one that there’s barely enough of their dust for all of us to eat or room for throwing ourselves at their feet so we can all fall all over ourselves outdoing each other in the licking of their boots.

“Like I say, it’s humiliating.”